"Intense solitude" is a strange phrase for me, considering I've never truly lived alone. Aside from a couple roommates who remained strangers for the length of our living arrangements, I've always shared space with people I am close to (parents, grandfather, best friend, SO). I can say though, that I have experienced isolation within those situations. One in particular stands out to me. I was 25, had just moved back to the States after 4 years of teaching in China and moved in with my parents and grandfather in a new, big city. The reverse culture shock was awful. It took me a solid 6 months to adjust... physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, all of it. I felt I was as prepared as I could have been. I talked with friends who had recently endured the transition, had a loose-fitting "plan" of how to ease the transition, and constantly reminded myself that I should expect the struggles and give myself time, grace, and love. So that's what I did. I didn't go to the store alone, I avoided large crowds, and I focused on the things that were easy for my mind to control. I made a lot of rice, continued exercise routines that I had before the move, and minimized my exposure to American culture. It was, and still is, one of my favorite chapters in my life. It was hard, really hard, but I learned so much about who I am and who I wanted to become. I wrote daily, sometimes 3-4 times a day, just getting out whatever thoughts were rushing through my head. I spoke to myself in Chinese because I missed hearing the language. I visited the local Asian markets to find some of my cherished snack foods. I educated those around me on the culture, people, foods, and life that I lived for the past 4 years. I missed my Chinese life, but in a good way.
Anyway, that was a rambling if I ever saw one! I say all this to say: I have not handled quarantine with the same attitude. To be fair, circumstances are vastly different. I finished up nursing school in April, with the last half of my most important clinicals online (ugh). I studied for and passed the NCLEX with almost no distractions because, well, I couldn't really do anything BUT study. And since then I've been job hunting. It's been 5 weeks since I became licensed and I just landed my first interview, scheduled for tomorrow. When I haven't been scouring the Internet for new gran RN positions, I've just binge-watched TV and filled my time with nonsense. This time of isolation has been different in every way from the time I experienced 5 years ago when I moved back from China. But, I'm mostly happy with the way I've handled it. Sure, I could have worked out more. I get better at that every day. I've improved my healthy eating habits. But most importantly, I've listened to my body and done what I needed at that time. After battling through nursing school for 1.5 years nonstop, I needed a break. I've needed the rest. Now, I'm ready to pick up and go.
In summary, I think it's important to ask yourself what you need during times like these. One day it may be cherry pie and iced tea, but the next you might need a 15 mile bike ride out to the beach. It doesn't really matter, honestly. You don't have to have something to show for this time. You have nothing to prove. If you set goals for yourself, woo! If you don't, woo! (Then again, I'd like to entertain the thought that not setting a goal for yourself is, in fact, setting a goal for yourself, heh.)
Thanks for sharing this, Jessie! You seem like a remarkably self-aware person; I think this newsletter is often just me talking to myself trying to achieve that same degree of figuring out what I want and need. Best of luck in your job hunting--we need as many nurses as we can get right now, IMO. -Chuck
"Intense solitude" is a strange phrase for me, considering I've never truly lived alone. Aside from a couple roommates who remained strangers for the length of our living arrangements, I've always shared space with people I am close to (parents, grandfather, best friend, SO). I can say though, that I have experienced isolation within those situations. One in particular stands out to me. I was 25, had just moved back to the States after 4 years of teaching in China and moved in with my parents and grandfather in a new, big city. The reverse culture shock was awful. It took me a solid 6 months to adjust... physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, all of it. I felt I was as prepared as I could have been. I talked with friends who had recently endured the transition, had a loose-fitting "plan" of how to ease the transition, and constantly reminded myself that I should expect the struggles and give myself time, grace, and love. So that's what I did. I didn't go to the store alone, I avoided large crowds, and I focused on the things that were easy for my mind to control. I made a lot of rice, continued exercise routines that I had before the move, and minimized my exposure to American culture. It was, and still is, one of my favorite chapters in my life. It was hard, really hard, but I learned so much about who I am and who I wanted to become. I wrote daily, sometimes 3-4 times a day, just getting out whatever thoughts were rushing through my head. I spoke to myself in Chinese because I missed hearing the language. I visited the local Asian markets to find some of my cherished snack foods. I educated those around me on the culture, people, foods, and life that I lived for the past 4 years. I missed my Chinese life, but in a good way.
Anyway, that was a rambling if I ever saw one! I say all this to say: I have not handled quarantine with the same attitude. To be fair, circumstances are vastly different. I finished up nursing school in April, with the last half of my most important clinicals online (ugh). I studied for and passed the NCLEX with almost no distractions because, well, I couldn't really do anything BUT study. And since then I've been job hunting. It's been 5 weeks since I became licensed and I just landed my first interview, scheduled for tomorrow. When I haven't been scouring the Internet for new gran RN positions, I've just binge-watched TV and filled my time with nonsense. This time of isolation has been different in every way from the time I experienced 5 years ago when I moved back from China. But, I'm mostly happy with the way I've handled it. Sure, I could have worked out more. I get better at that every day. I've improved my healthy eating habits. But most importantly, I've listened to my body and done what I needed at that time. After battling through nursing school for 1.5 years nonstop, I needed a break. I've needed the rest. Now, I'm ready to pick up and go.
In summary, I think it's important to ask yourself what you need during times like these. One day it may be cherry pie and iced tea, but the next you might need a 15 mile bike ride out to the beach. It doesn't really matter, honestly. You don't have to have something to show for this time. You have nothing to prove. If you set goals for yourself, woo! If you don't, woo! (Then again, I'd like to entertain the thought that not setting a goal for yourself is, in fact, setting a goal for yourself, heh.)
These are my ramblings. :)
Thanks for sharing this, Jessie! You seem like a remarkably self-aware person; I think this newsletter is often just me talking to myself trying to achieve that same degree of figuring out what I want and need. Best of luck in your job hunting--we need as many nurses as we can get right now, IMO. -Chuck